I have started a new political party because I think the country needs it. The National Kindness Party. It's for anyone, human, rodent, other mammal, bird, fish, insect, crustacean or mollusc [no speciesism in our movement!] who wants to make this country a kinder place. I have sent an application for registration to the Electoral Commission. I will let youi all know when this goes through. In 2008 they registered the Fur Play Party of my illustrious predecessor Harry Bear so that he could contest the Henley by-election caused by the departure of Boris Johnson, so if they display any snootiness now about my new party they can expect the mother of all legal actions for malfeasance, malpractice, mala fides, malice aforeandafterthough and of course, mandamouse.
The Commission wanted a constitution so here it is.
Rule 1: No Nasties
Rule 2: Membership of the National Kindness Party is open to all followers of Mortimer Mouse, the world’s leading optimistic philosopher, identified by known purchase of his book “Keep Squeaking Through” published by Xerus Publishing ISBN 978-1-8381654-1-3
Rule 3: All members shall be kind to each other, as would be regarded as kind by any reasonable person, rodent, other mammal, bird, insect, fish, crustacean or mollusc and shall be liable to suspension or expulsion for any violation.
Rule 4: Rule 1 shall not be subject to rescission or revocation.
Rule 5: All other Rules shall be subject to rescission or revocation, and new Rules may be adopted, by two-thirds majority of the membership after debate or debates conducted kindly within the meaning of present Rule 3.
Rule 6: the judgment of Mortimer Mouse is an absolute guide to the interpretation of any rule. [This one is not so very different from the current Labour party, I suggest]
This constitution was adopted unanimously by acclamation in a variety of voices at the inaugural assembly of the party (Mr M Mouse, Mr T Cat, Mr k roach, Mr R Ryukin, Mr C Comet, Mr & Ms S Shubunkin and Mr R K Heller) in the premises known as Rubato Towers, Flat 2-04 the School House, Pages Walk, London SE1 4HG on 14 May 2024.
The Commission wanted a Financial Scheme so here it is.
The party is financed from voluntary contributions, in currency or cheese. As at May 14, 2024 current assets stood at
UK £33.47
US $50.05
Euro 27.20
Dobra (São Tomé e Príncipe) 15,000
Zimbabwe $ (2009 issue) 500,000,000,000,000
Camembert 487gm
The policy platform is a bit light at the moment, namely:
One: The United Kingdom shall become the second country after Bhutan to measure its output in terms of Gross National Happiness.
Two: The United Kingdom will open full ambassadorial relations with the Republic of São Tomé e Príncipe.
I welcome further proposals - especially from children. The biggest and most important group of people who will be affected by the coming election and the group given least power to influence it. So I am following Harry Bear's great precedent of inviting policy proposals from children. Like him, I will group them in two categories, under and over 13, and those which are most popular and most practicable (as well of course as being kind) will become part of the NKP manifesto.
But of course I also want suggestions from people actually allowed to vote. Please send me any idea you think would make this country a kinder place for any species at mortimailcheese@gmail.com
The National Kindness Party. Join the country's fastest-growing political movement and scratch your name on destiny's chariot!
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